When I first started my weight loss journey back in January 2016, I had many friends. Throughout my loss, it seemed to become apparent that I had started to lose communication with some of them. I didn’t understand what was going on. Friends I’d had for many years, some of them since school, had seemingly cut contact with me. Some just vanished off the radar completely, It was deeply upsetting and I was very confused.
One day I was watching ‘This morning’ (yes, it’s a guilty pleasure when working from home, don’t judge me) a woman who had lost substantial amounts of weight was discussing the topic of losing friends as a result. She mentioned that she thought of herself as the ‘fat friend’ and now that she had lost weight, she had lost friends with it. It dawned on me at this point – could my friends really have ditched me due to the fact that I was no longer the ‘Fat Friend’? Surely not? After all, these were friends that I had had for years, one of them for decades. It was something that played on my mind, and still does. Why did my good friends no longer want me in their lives? It got me thinking, I started to take a long hard look at the relationships I had now lost, and there is one in particular that I just couldn’t get my head around. The rest I could move on from, but this one was different. I had always been the best friend I could be to this particular person. This friend was my life, my soulmate. Surely my weight loss wasn’t the reason why our 20 year long friendship had now died a death?
I went through all sorts of emotions, upset, anger, devastation and confusion were just some of the feelings I really discovered. Without closure I just couldn’t get over it. Now I think about it, this person started shunning me shortly after I became single. I had been in a 7 year relationship prior to this and we had always been fine. I supported her as much as I possibly could through her trials and tribulations. If she needed me, I was there. Now I needed her more than ever and I got nothing back. She would read my messages and simply not reply. She never really commented on my weight loss and I always assumed that was because she always saw beyond the weight and because I was still the same person to her, she saw no change in me? Or maybe she just couldn’t handle the fact that I was blossoming into a butterfly after years of being the very hungry caterpillar. Maybe I was no longer the ‘fat friend’ she liked to be around because I made her feel better about herself? Or maybe there’s a completely different reason. Who knows?!
I made a very difficult decision, and to this day it still doesn’t feel right, but I deleted her from all social media platforms. I informed her of my reasons, I wasn’t doing it to be petty, it wasn’t a dig, I just couldn’t see this person popping up on my feed. It made my heart ache to think that we were no longer in contact. Devastated doesn’t even cut it.
In truth, I still don’t really know why I have lost such strong relationships, but I can only assume that the reason is because I lost weight. Maybe they couldn’t stand the thought that people were looking at me too now. Maybe they felt that I was now ‘competition’ when it came to finding love. I find it hard to believe, probably because I would never do this to anybody, and we judge people by our own standards.
Since researching this topic, I have discovered that an alarming 81% of people on a weight loss journey have lost close friends. Thats shocking to me and although I don’t want to assume that this is the reasoning for such a loss, maybe its true. Maybe I was the token fat friend that made them more appealing to men when they were with me?
No one is perfect. We all make mistakes. But one thing I know is that I’d go out of my way to help my friends and family, sometimes even complete strangers if the situation arises. So what on earth did I do to deserve losing such a wonderful friendship? I guess I’ll never know. On the up side, I now know who my real friends are and my goodness they are simply fabulous.
I have one particular friend that has stuck by me through thick and thin over the years. I can tell her anything. She knows my deepest darkest secrets, she doesn’t judge me, she supports me and in turn, I am the best friend I could possibly be to her, even though she never asks me for anything. I would be there in a heartbeat if she needed me. I can’t thank her enough for her support, even more so now. I don’t think she realises just how special she is to me. A friend I really can’t live without. We laugh, we cry, she’s usually the first person I call if I need a rant or to celebrate. She’s my little ‘sunny’ friend
I guess what I conclude from my thoughts on this subject is that things change, and I need to roll with it. I can’t predict what lies ahead. I’m a great believer in that everything happens for a reason and although we may not know what those reasons are immediately, they will eventually become apparent. This journey has made me realise how strong I am, and continues to do so. It’s a bumpy ride but I am learning some serious lessons along this beaten track of a journey. It would take a lot to break me down these days, and boy am I proud of that.
Until next week, peace out dudes and thanks for tuning in.
Marli
XOX
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